Our First Chapter

Let me start out by saying thank you! Thank you to all the prayer warriors that did their job. I asked for secret prayers, and I felt them! I, with the prolonged thought and careful consideration, have decided to become a surrogate mother. Most who read this blog are going “wwwwhhhhhhaaaattttttt?????”  LOL! I know, I know! But hopefully after you read what was presented to us, and why we chose this for ourselves, then hopefully you will understand and accept our decision.

It all started out when I was pregnant with my son, Lane. He was born on April 29, 2011, 8 ½ lb beautiful baby. Before I went into labor, I started feeling a little bit of sadness. I knew in my heart I only wanted 2 kids. (I still only want 2 kids), but I just wasn’t done being pregnant. God blessed me with 2 fantastic pregnancies, and 2 awesome deliveries. I am not going to say they were painless, they were trying times, but I got through them, sucked it up and fought like a pro. Of course, when you have big questions, you take them to the big boss. So, I started praying and for some reason surrogacy popped into my mind. First thought: hmmmm. Second thought: “hmmmmm……..” Then there was no third thought because I was preparing the way for my sweet little angel in this world. So, idea forgotten (for the time being much to my surprise).

 I had the privilege of having Jessica, from a newly kindled friendship, take birth experience pictures with me. Who I might add did a phenomenal job!  As soon as Lane was born, and I mean as soon as, me, Josh, and Jessica sat in my hospital room (while Lane was nursing) and struck up a conversation. For some reason surrogacy entered the picture.  Actually, I think it was the first time Josh was hearing about this. (I should’ve looked back at his face). You just don’t have “random surrogacy talks” but we did, and it was done. Back to normal life. Idea forgotten, once again.

A couple months later, Jessica called me and told me there was a blog that she would like for me to read and possibly follow if I was interested in following a surrogacy story. Interested? Of course! To know of someone around our area who is going through this process might open my eyes to things I never thought of. So I read it, saved a shortcut to my desktop so I could follow her, and went on with my daily, and BUSY, routines of being a new mother again.

Then a couple months later, Jess and I have a mini trip to IKEA planned. We “needed” all new photography blankets for our newborn sessions.  Had a great time stuffing our basket and emptying our wallets. On the way home the conversation was struck again. She had asked me if I was keeping up with the blog and what I had thought. Not going to lie. I had only read the very first one. Still had it saved to my desktop, but with a 3 month old, I don’t really have time to sit at the computer too often and read blogs. I had asked for an update from Jessica, and she had shared with me that they had been unsuccessful so far from finding a surrogate.

Unlike the last few times, conversation never really ended. Thought never got forgotten. I started learning more and more things about this woman, who desperately needed a baby in her life, but just couldn’t do it on her own. I could just feel the wheels turning in my head. Most of the thoughts going on went somewhere along these lines: what are you thinking? You have 2 young kids and one of them was only born 4 months ago! What would Josh think? He’s going to think I’m crazy. Everyone is going to think I’m crazy. I mean, it’s easy to “think” about becoming a surrogate, but when it actually knocks on your door, you’re kind of forced to stop, take a look around, pop yourself on the forehead and say “shoulda had a V8”.  Agreed? Agreed!

But, the wheels wouldn’t stop turning. I went home thinking, and thinking, and thinking. My head hurt I thought so hard! God has blessed me with 2 healthy, uneventful, amazing pregnancies and babies. Why wouldn’t I use that gift he has given in helping someone else? And of all things, my favorite scripture is “Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more.” –Luke 12:48.  Why would I be so selfish in keeping this blessing to myself? Why wouldn’t I want to give someone something I cherish every single day: a child.

So that nights prayer consisted of this: God, if this is your will, I will accept it. If this is not your will, allow my thoughts to wander.

Thoughts never wandered. Thoughts, even for a second, never left my mind.

So, next step? Talk to Josh. When I told him, his response was “it’s your body, do what you want with it”. Typical man response. HA! But I didn’t just let it go. That next night we sat down and talked. Weighed out our pros and con’s. (Pro’s definitely outweighed our cons). 3 hours later: decision made. IF everything goes according to plan, IF everything works out with the lawyers and the expecting parents, we would do it. I don’t expect for this to be a completely flawless experience, but it is that: an experience.

So, more prayers, more thoughts. I really felt like I was being called to do this. I could not imagine a greater gift I could give to a deserving couple. I could not imagine a greater moment then that of their child being born and seeing the looks on their faces. Looks of awe and wonder. Looks of excitement, gratitude, tears of absolute JOY! I am a photographer. I have done many birth experiences, and at every single one, a tear is shed. Seeing a child being born is one of the most cherished experiences I have ever had the joy of witnessing.

Let me tell you a little about the parents;  A (intended mom) and J (intended father). They live local to me. A has Neurofibromatosis Type II, with which means, for her, carrying a child, can trigger her tumors because of the growth hormone during pregnancy. Tumor growth can be fatal to her. With that being said, they are left with two options: surrogacy and/or adoption. For now, they have decided to explore the world of surrogacy with an open mind for adoption someday possible as well.

Some of you may not be familiar with the concept of IVF (In0Vitro Fertilization). What happened is HER egg and HIS sperm are used to create an embryo. That embryo is then placed into me (the surrogate). I carry THEIR baby. “THEIR” is an important word that I want to touch on. I have a feeling that many people are wondering and probably would ask “won’t you get attached to that child?” “You carried that baby for 9 months and you grew with it and you know that baby left from right.” OF COURSE! I am attached to my nieces and nephews. I am attached to our friends’ babies. Do I expect to get an invite for birthday parties? YEAH! Am I going to buy him/her Christmas presents? YEAH! How could you not go through this process and not develop a lifelong connection with that child AND he/she’s parents? That is NOT my child. It never was, and it never will be. I am simply used for my uterus. That’s it. I, on the other hand, will go through my life knowing that I have that couple a miracle. A miracle THEY created, but I just fostered the home for a little while.

Another question you may have is “will the baby be born with her disease?”. There is a possibility of the child having NFII, but we are carefully trying to avoid that from happening. This is when Pre-Implantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) comes into play. Before the embryo is placed into the surrogate, it is sent to a lab. The lab checks the DNA sequence of the embryo to make sure the embryo does not carry the affected gene. This is a decision that A & J have decided to make to ensure that their child will not have the disorder.

This is the first almost all of you are finding out about it. I hope you find it in your hearts to stop for a second an lift up a prayer. Lift up a prayer for A, J, for their unborn child, for me, my health through the pregnancy, for success in the IVF process. That is all I am asking. I will continue to blog about this experience, hoping it will touch all of you, and you can share in the experience with us. I have chosen to write a blog so that we don’t have to repeatedly explain everything that we go through.  I want to be able to update everyone at once.

One last thing I want to leave you with. Just something for you to watch and think about. For anyone wondering why someone (like me) would choose to do this or why someone (like A & J) that would go through this process, this video should answer all questions. I would advise you NOT to skip this video. Grab a tissue and enjoy.